


The List

by FrenchKey, JayofOlympus



Series: WinterHawk Bingo 2019 [5]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Bruce Should Have Known Better, Clint Barton's Circus Skills, Don't Try This At Home, Explicit Sex, Flexibility, Idiots in Love, M/M, Nat is a troll, Sex Tips From Cosmo, Smut, Thor is a troll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:13:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23415838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrenchKey/pseuds/FrenchKey, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayofOlympus/pseuds/JayofOlympus
Summary: Bruce is fed up catching Bucky and Clint in unexpected places. In an attempt to prevent it happening again, he accidentally issues a challenge that the pair are more than happy to take up.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton, Steve Rogers/Thor (background)
Series: WinterHawk Bingo 2019 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635295
Comments: 25
Kudos: 130
Collections: Winterhawk Bingo





	The List

**Author's Note:**

> Our entry for square B3 - Flexibility of the WinterHawk bingo.
> 
> The List comes from [this](https://www.cosmopolitan.com/great-sex-positions/) article found in Cosmo. We cannot recommend trying these at home. Some of them do not look very comfortable. If you do try them at home and discover that they are not, in fact, comfortable, please don't blame us, we tried to warn you.

Few would probably believe it, but the whole thing was really Bruce’s fault. He’d basically set a challenge for them; throwing down the proverbial gauntlet, if you will. How were they meant to refuse?

It started like this: Bruce had walked in on them getting hot and heavy in the stairwell (which no one ever used in the first place). And then in the briefing room (Clint argued that he had no reason to have been in there). And the games room. And then the kitchen. It was the kitchen that set him off, ranting about exhibitionism and a blatant disregard for basic hygiene. And then he’d passive-aggressively emailed them two days later with what would become known as The List. He’d sent it with the suggestion that they try something different, if their sex life was in such dire need of spicing up. That was where he’d gone horribly wrong.

Neither Clint nor Bucky had ever met a challenge they wouldn’t at least attempt to beat. In the spirit of true scientific enquiry (and to watch the vein on Bruce’s forehead throb) they’d printed The List out and stuck it to the communal fridge. Then, on Saturday evening, they’d retired to bed early and begun.

‘So, do you want to just start at the top?’ Clint asked, flopping against the pillows and waving their own copy of The List. ‘Hah, _top_.’

Bucky shook his head with a laugh. ‘It makes sense, right? Work our way through them, one by one. This one looks… uncomfortable,’ he said, taking the sheet of paper from Clint to peer at the image.

‘Does it?’ Clint said, almost flippantly. ‘Looked doable to me. I was more concerned with the fact that the dude looks like Bruce.’ He shot Bucky a truly terrible grin. ‘All the more reason to do this one first.’

Bucky snorted. ‘He’s going to flip. And if you’re so blasé about the position then you’re bottoming. I dunno if my hip actually bends like that.’

Clint snatched the paper back to take another look. ‘Huh, yeah I guess most people can’t do that,’ he said. ‘Whatever. You know I’m always happy to put your dick in me.’ He wiggled his eyebrows at Bucky, as though that made it any sexier.

‘Flip over, then,’ Bucky said, reaching for the lube. 

Clint set the paper aside and rolled so he was lying on his stomach. ‘You could at least sound like you’re sorta into this,’ he complained, wiggling his ass. ‘I think you’ve gotten complacent in our relationship. Started taking me for granted. The romance is dead,’ he cried dramatically.

Bucky draped himself over Clint to speak directly into his ear, grinning a little at the way Clint arched into his warmth. ‘I can give you romance,’ he said. ‘But this… well, the romance is gonna have to wait.’

He flipped open the cap of the lube and slicked his fingers. ‘Romance ain’t the point here babe,’ he said, sliding the pad of his finger against Clint’s hole and making him whine. ‘The point is to see how quickly I can make you scream.’

Clint laughed breathlessly and pushed back against Bucky’s fingers. ‘Well get on with it then,’ he said. ‘Unless your plan is to make me scream in frustration?’

Bucky laid kisses across Clint’s broad shoulders, making him wait while he teased. It barely took a moment before Clint opened his mouth to goad him further, and Bucky relished in the way he choked on the start of whatever he was going to say when Bucky finally slid one finger inside him. He didn’t wait for Clint to adjust, immediately beginning to thrust and adding a second finger as soon as he wouldn’t cause pain. Clint was writhing underneath him, panting and moaning. 

‘Is that what you wanted?’ he murmured, biting at the nape of Clint’s neck, ‘or do you want more?’ He thrust another finger into Clint’s tight heat, twisting and scissoring them quickly. He used his metal arm to push himself upright, then he grabbed Clint’s ankle and dragged him so that his hips were only just resting on the end of the bed and his legs were dangling.

‘Fuck, yes!’ Clint cried. ‘C’mon, babe, fuck.’ He shifted so that the tips of his toes touched the floor, and then flexed, a shit-eating grin on his face. He knew the effect his body had on Bucky, and often used it to his advantage, but Bucky didn’t care. Especially not when one leg was being raised at what seemed like an impossible angle. Bucky gripped Clint’s ankle with his flesh hand, and lined himself up.

Clint groaned as Bucky slid into him. He was tight and hot around Bucky’s cock and he couldn’t help but notice the things the position did to Clint’s shoulder muscles. Never content to just lie there and take it when he could be an active participant, Clint had pressed his forearms to the bed and gone into a modified pushup. It deepened the angle for Bucky, dragging his cock over Clint’s prostate with every thrust, but it also threw every muscle in Clint’s back into definition. It was all Bucky could do to hold the position instead of leaning forward and biting.

‘Y’know,’ Clint panted after a moment, ‘I think… ah… they might’ve actually… been onto something with this one.’

Bucky shook his head and gave a very pointed thrust. ‘You’re more coherent than I’d like,’ he said, squeezing Clint’s hip with his metal hand. ‘Makes me worried this one isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.’

Clint laughed, and somehow found the leverage to push back into Bucky’s next thrust. The image alone was enough to drive Bucky wild.

Neither of them lasted long after that. Bucky lost control of his thrusts, slamming into Clint, who pushed back as much as he was able, whining and begging. Bucky reached around with his metal hand and wrapped it around Clint’s cock. Clint threw his head back and moaned. It only took a few strokes for them both to tip over the edge.

‘Well,’ Clint said, his face half-buried in the sheets still. ‘I’m giving it five stars. Are we doing stars?’ Bucky could only laugh.

Thus, The List was begun.

* * *

To say that Steve was shocked the next morning would have been an understatement. The List on the communal fridge had been updated, with the ‘Wanton Wheelbarrow’ rated an 8/10, a short review written beside it. The picture had also been updated, with an arrow labelled ‘Bruce’ pointing at the man in Clint’s handwriting.

Bruce wandered into the kitchen not long after and merely raised an eyebrow at The List. ‘Extremely pleasurable for all involved. Most people probably don’t have experience in the circus so a little ambitious for the layperson. Also fairly high effort. Would do again,’ he read. ‘A balanced review.’

‘It’s a position that’s likely achievable by most of the residents of the Tower,’ Clint said, in his best ‘reviewer’ voice. ‘However, most residents are either incredibly athletic, or have various enhancements or otherworldly origins that allow them to do things that most people simply cannot hope to achieve.’

‘You’re being petty about this,’ Bruce said, his voice even. ‘I only suggested that you keep your activities to areas that aren’t classed as public spaces.’

‘You offered a challenge. Who were we to say no?’ Bucky said with a shit eating grin on his face. 

Bruce threw his hands up in the air and left with his cereal.

* * *

It was after the third update to The List that Steve confronted them.

‘Is this going to be a thing now?’ he asked, hands on his hips and looking very Disappointed In Them. ‘You guys giving unwanted details about your sex life?’

‘The reviews are there for the benefit of others,’ Bucky said. ‘We’re helping people. Have you tried just not reading them? They’re not exactly any help for you, since you’re apparently not getting laid anyway.’

‘We’re just giving the people what they want,’ Clint added. ‘Honest, fair reviews of advice given by Cosmo. Also, details about our sex life. We’re very hot. People want to know,’ he said, looking very earnest.

‘I’m people,’ Nat said, sauntering by with a Starbucks cup in their hand.

‘See!’ Clint exclaimed, ‘We’re providing a vital public service.’

‘Yeah, Stevie,’ Bucky added, ‘you take your judgy eyebrows elsewhere.’

Steve sputtered a little, threw his hands up in frustration, and stomped out of the room. Bucky was pretty sure he’d get over it. He just needed to get laid. Maybe he’d find The List useful if he did.

‘Thor likes The List,’ Clint said smugly. ‘He gave me a high five yesterday.’

‘Personally, I find the whole thing very entertaining,’ Nat said, leaning in the doorway. ‘And you weren’t wrong about giving the people what they want. Sam and Scott had a bet about whether Clint picked up anything else at the circus. You made Scott very happy with that first review.’

‘Well, I heard Pepper being smug about all the things Tony’s willing to try these days. Clearly we’re just doing our bit for all the relationships around here,’ Bucky said smirking. He had, in fact, heard Pepper discussing The List with Darcy. She’d been gloating about encouraging Tony into better sex through his competitive streak.

‘Like I said,’ Clint nodded, ‘a vital public service.’

* * *

The Seesaw had been… awkward. It wasn’t the worst sex either of them had ever had, but it certainly hadn’t been the best. It was mostly just a little uncomfortable, even in spite of Clint’s incredible flexibility. It scored low.

This position, however, was terrible. Bucky had decided that it was his turn, and he was starting to regret it. In fact, he was starting to regret having agreed to try this in the first place. Leaning over a washing machine was a little like trying to rest your head against the window in a moving vehicle on a road that was mostly potholes. In short, it was less than fun. Clint was swearing behind him as he tried to loosen him enough to actually achieve sex. Bucky was doing his best, but he couldn’t help being tense when the washing machine was vibrating in unpredictable ways and the hard metal edge was perilously close to his dick.

They might have made it in the end, but just as Clint was starting to slide in, the door to the laundry room slammed open. Clint squealed as Bucky shot upright, yanking himself free of Clint’s dick and covering his crotch. The two men that had burst in didn’t even seem to notice them. Steve’s back hit the wall behind the door and Thor growled as he pinned him in place. Bucky made eye contact with Clint and signalled a retreat as Thor bent his head and attached his mouth to Steve’s. They didn’t even stop to pick up their clothes.

That afternoon, The List bore the update: 0/10 for the Mover and Shaker, with the review reading simply ‘Decidedly Unsexy, do not recommend’. Bucky noted that Steve choked on his water when he spotted it.

* * *

The next review was written in Clint’s hand, and was given a 10/10, with an A+ scrawled beside it. Bucky buried his face in his hands when Nat decided to read it out before dinner.

‘Get yourself a sturdy man, and go to town, because the Lusty Lean is fucking fantastic,’ they read, grinning smugly. ‘If he has good arms, all the better, because with gravity doing half the work, your brain is going to melt right out your ears pretty quickly, and it’s gonna be up to him to keep things moving. My god, I love this one.’

Bucky hoped that if he was very still, and very quiet, people would forget he was in the room. 

‘He does have excellent arms,’ Thor opined, ‘But I feel mine are their equal. What do you say, Steven? Have I arms to equal even Stark’s creation of metal?’ He flexed to demonstrate his musculature, throwing Steve a sly smile.

It was Bucky’s turn to cackle as Steve turned bright red and muttered something complimentary.

‘I’m out,’ Sam said, shaking his head. ‘This is too much. I’ll be back when food’s on the table, and people have quit talking about fucking.’

Rhodey patted him on the back consolingly. ‘I don’t know why you’re still surprised, man.’

Scott shrugged. ‘This isn’t that weird, is it? I mean, I can see why it might be considered oversharing, but I don’t think I know anybody who doesn’t overshare.’

Several people gave him odd looks, but he just shrugged them off. Bucky personally thought that Scott had the healthiest outlook of them all.

* * *

It wasn’t many more days before they’d filled in the rest of the sheet with their ratings and reviews. It was a mixed bag, but nothing rated higher than a 6/10. None of them were particularly exciting, Bucky thought. They finished off with the Lap Limbo on Friday evening, and waited patiently for Saturday brunch, when everyone would see the fruits of their labours.

Bruce groaned out loud when he noticed that the final position on The List had been rated and reviewed. ‘Is this at least the end of it?’ he asked, raising an eyebrow at them. ‘No more of this ridiculousness?’

Clint just grinned at him.

‘The final reviews are in,’ Bucky said with a nod.

It was Pepper who snatched the paper off the fridge. ‘Abs are a must-have for this super accessible to everyone position,’ she read flatly. ‘Seriously? That’s all you have to say about it?’

‘It was sex on a chair, but with the added necessity of abs,’ Clint said, flatly, ‘What else is there to say about it? It was alright. The end.’

Tony took the paper from Pepper and cringed. ‘Yikes, no thank you,’ he said, handing it back. ‘I refuse to believe you were able to hold a crunch that long, Barton. There’s no way.’

‘Nobody said that _he_ did,’ Bucky said smoothly, taking a drink of his smoothie.

Right on cue, Tony spat a mouthful of juice across the table. It narrowly missed hitting Nat in the face. The glare on their face was enough to stop him saying anything in response. 

‘So, what have we learned then?’ Bucky asked, smirking at Bruce.

‘You’re horny fuckers that can’t keep your hands off each other,’ Bruce griped. ‘And to never give you ideas.’

Even Steve laughed at that.


End file.
